DECEMBER 18 - DECEMBER 24, 1999
DECEMBER 24, 1999
So what do you expect?
It is winter. It's 5.2 degrees in Marshburg at 6:50 A.M. This is the coldest day so
far. And it is going to be a white Christmas here. We had about seven inches of snow
yesterday with more on the way today.
The Santa suit goes back to Larry (no, not Stratton!) today. I did 16 scheduled
appearances with some other unscheduled ones like where I sat on a street corner in
Bradford and listened to a dozen or so day care children out for a walk. I finished up at
the YMCA Day Care yesterday as the snow was falling. The children wanted to know where my
reindeer were. I told them they were up in Marshburg grazing so they could make the trip
Christmas Eve.
I'll be out and around town today. Say hello if you see me. Give me your ideas on the
budget, County salaries, and what we should be spending tax dollars on. I am about 75%
through with a budget that I might have submitted.
Keep in mind. This is not a budget that Weaver and Stratton have created. No. It is the
exclusive creation of Tom Ball, the Controller, with their approval. Weaver is to
lazy to do a budget and Larry wouldn't know where to start or stop.
But examining the one calling for the 43% tax increase, I am surprised that the
newspaper hasn't picked out some of the glaring changes that I have. Maybe it is because I
am tuned to the budget and know what to look for. And it is full of a great many of
gifts for a great many of their friends - all at our expense! More about that when I put
this thing out.
In the meanwhile Chris McGonnell sends us this:
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN......
You define summer
as three months of bad sledding.
You think that people from Pennsylvania have an accent.
Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of Genny and a bucket of wings.
You believe that "down south" means Maryland.
Halloween is snowed out with great regularity.
You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
You know that Buffalo not only exists, but that it isn't far from Hell.
Your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Opening Day of Deer Season.
From May to October there is a festival every weekend celebrating a different fruit,
vegetable, or ethnic group.
You spend winter mumbling about moving to Florida, and summer bragging about not being
able to find a better place in the world.
If you car ever appeared to be salt white.
If you spend more money in car washes than on underwear.
If your car ever froze solid and you couldn't open the doors.
If you ever had to say, "No, I am not from the City."
You drive through a blizzard at least twice in a winter.
If you can say "Lake Effect" and take it seriously.
Rock salt forms part of your grocery shopping list.
If you ever compare ice scrapers.
If you think that Buffalo, Rochester or Syracuse are BIG cities.
If you still have winter tires on in May.
If you describe the size of Lake effect snow using both hands.
If you do most of your holiday shopping at Wegmans.
That could almost hold true for Bradford and our
neck of the woods, too. In the meantime, comments are welcome at rdhedbud@penn.com.
DECEMBER 23, 1999
The Commissioners' Present
‘Twas the night before Christmas and in old Bradford town
The commissioners wives were prancing around,
They saw a big present set under their tree
"Why, darling, how precious, it must be for me!"
And Larry with his smile and Jim with red nose
Were secretly hoping no one would expose
Their plan to raise taxes and pocket the rest
So they could buy presents for the wife and mistress.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But a four-wheel drive truck and a caseload of beer.
With a little old driver so lively and quick
They knew in a moment it sure was St. Nick!
"Why, Santa," they cowered, "What brings you greeting?
Can’t you see we’re secretly meeting?"
Old Santa just chuckled and went straight to his work
He loaded up the box and smiled with a smirk.
The moon on the breast of an object below
Told him to hurry, it was time he must go.
For Dawn was outside, she had heard them talking
And Santa didn’t want to be accused of stalking.
He climbed in the truck, left the beer on the porch,
And proudly proclaimed, "I’ve passed a new torch!"
On Zippo, on Cases, on Georgia Pacific,
Out Witco, and Trico, you sure weren’t terrific.
To the top of the ridge, and on down the road
Miss all the potholes, ‘cause it’s a big load!
Then suddenly the box dropped out of the truck
It tore right open and inside was Jim Buck!
His hand was all wrinkled from writing his prose
His eyes were all weary, and "brown" was his nose.
His column was distorted, and full of great lies
But all the people believed him, why he had strong ties.
But Santa knew better and gave him the boot
And presented to him a Chem-Nuclear suit.
Jim and Larry stood with their mouths open wide
They knew that the townsfolk would now know they lied.
As Santa departed they hollered anew
"4% for me and 43% for you!."
But Santa just answered, "Why, that sounds outrageous!"
This town will stand strong, it’s growing contagious,
We’ll all band together, we’ll all stand tall,
Merry Christmas to you, get ready for a recall!"
Anonymous
Comments are welcome at rdhedbud@penn.com.
DECEMBER 22, 1999
The First Day of Winter
Good morning. It is 10.3 degrees at 6:08 A.M. and winter began at 2:42 A.M. this
morning. Tonight, if the sky is clear, we will see the largest moon in our lifetimes. This
being the shortest day of the year and the moon being closest to the earth since 1863, we
will have a bigger and brighter version of the moon in our lifetimes. So Tom Clark's wish
is actually coming true.
Bradford is getting mooned!
Speaking of getting mooned, I am writing this article on Corel as PennCom is not giving
me access this morning. What are they doing now?
Funny how we become so dependent on these little things. Ten years ago I never dreamed
that I would log on line every morning, read the local news, get mail, and then write a
column. No, ten years ago I was still asleep recovering from a very active hunting season
and getting ready to open the old Ranch at eleven. Roy Shuey had just passed away. Larry
Ely was alive and would be over for his usual morning cocktail. And old Pete would travel
from Marshburg to Custer City, driving 35 mph with a line of traffic behind him. There was
no INTERNET. Today they are all gone, the old Ranch included..
So what have we gained? And, maybe more important, what have we lost?
We've gained instant information and the power to never leave our homes. We can buy
what we need to survive from our computers and have it delivered right to our doors in
twenty four hours. We can receive all sorts of gratification right on line. Anything from
a phenomena known as Cyber Sex to having conversations with people in China. How's the
weather on the Yangsee today? Is the river running high and dirty?
As for losing, maybe we are losing our identities in a way. It seems to me that every
time we incorporate a new device into our lives, and we feel our lives are made better by
that device, we in essence become that device. The machine becomes the master instead of
the master controlling the machine. A case can certainly be made for that when you look at
our computers, the INTERNET and how dependent we are on them. Who is in charge?
In my case, this morning at least, they are. I keep getting the message "The
Computer you are dialing cannot establish a Dial-Up Networking connection." I can
only assume that they are doing something there to make our service better. I hope any
way. I hope it isn't the other. But still, that becomes frustrating because I do most of
my work on the computer and the net about now. Why can't they do it at two in the morning
and be done by the time I get on?
And keeping with that, are we in more of a hurry than we used to be?
I think so. I think that because we have so much instant access we think everything
should be that way. I believe that it shows in the way we act and the way we treat other
people. What would happen to us if all of this was suddenly gone? Isn't that what Y2K is
about?
On a side note, I find it interesting that Corel Word Perfect 8 recognizes
"Y2K" as a proper entry or word. It isn't underlined in red like Cyber is.
No, Cyber is offered as Cuber, Cyder, and a few others in my glossary of terms to
correct the incorrect spelling. I wonder why Cyber was excluded? Oh well, little things
and little minds. What can I say? Guilty!
Anyway, it is now 6:45 and PennCom is still not letting me in the master computer that
links me to the world. How isolated I feel! How alone! I did try my password and tried
again! What are you people doing? I wonder if America On Line is down? Oh well. At some
point in time they will let me on and I will post this.
In the meantime, slow down. Dressed in my Santa suit yesterday and driving down Barber
Street, someone pulled right out in front of me. What was in that person's mind? What were
they thinking about? We missed being in an accident by a matter of inches. What a horrible
thing to happen at any time, let alone days before Christmas.
A few extra minutes will not hurt any of us. Have patience. In the meantime I wonder
what the hell PennCom is doing?
Have a nice day. Comments are welcome at rdhedbud@penn.com.
DECEMBER 21, 1999
Is this the winter Solstice?
Good morning. It is 17.4 degrees at 5:58 A.M. Snow is on the way. We are going to have
a white Christmas.
A former Foster Township resident, Mary Fairbanks, now living in Florida, wrote to us
regarding Tom Clark:
Subject: Space Shuttle (for Tom Clark)
Don't worry, Tom. In the remaining 2 hours before the launch, I raced down to the Space
Coast and whispered into the astronaut's ears the following for you.....
"Hey, people, when you fly over the northern hemisphere, will you do me (and Tom) a
favor? You see, he came all the way down here to try and hitch a ride so he could
"moon" his hometown. But, alas, the weather just would not cooperate. Anyway, he
wants you to display this sign as you fly over the hemlock forest."
The astronauts reluctantly agreed, but if you look carefully during the next few nights,
you will see this message attached to the Shuttle's front bay.......GET IT RIGHT,
BRADFORD. READ THE MOUNTAIN LAUREL REVIEW AND BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS!
Thanks Mary. Merry Christmas to you and we hope you have a safe and uneventful New
Years.
I asked if it was the winter Solstice because it is on the times of the winter and
summer Solstice that various forms of dark religious enterprises are usually performed.
The Druids, we are told, looked upon these two dates as special times. And they prepared
themselves up to two weeks in advance and did their "devilment" up to the moment
of the solstice. Then they would return to their normal lives for another six months.
It seems to me that these forces of darkness are at work and very evident. And it
occurred to me that these forces were evident when Jay Todd started making real sense
yesterday at the Commissioners' meeting.
Look at what is going on.
There is the Dawn Clark lawsuit. For those of you who don't read The Bradford Era,
last week Ms. Clark sued me for libel. She is claiming I made slanderous remarks against
her in print and is seeking two million dollars in damages.
Now I have made myself familiar with the various intricacies of libel, seeing how
it is my business, writing like I do. And I do know that public figures do not enjoy the
same rights to privacy as non-public figures. Dawn seems to have forgotten how she readily
embraces the public spotlight.
She seems to have forgotten how she publicly stated while a member of the Bradford
Area School Board that they were "borrowing $24 million to make money." We all
know about how much money they made. That is evidenced by our year after year tax
increases. And, that $24 million debt seems to have grown to $36 million or thereabouts.
Then there was her write in run for mayor in 1996. How many votes did she get?
Three? And how could we ever forget the "glamour photo" she used when she ran?
And then there was the not so private cavorting with one of the players mentioned
in the Drug Task Force investigation. Living in a small town isn't always what its cracked
up to be when you want your private affairs kept private. That also holds with the failed
business ventures and the bills left behind. All of that is fair game when you are dealing
with a public figure. Ask me. I know first hand.
Actually, Dawn Clark's lawsuit is in itself libelous. Maybe not to me, but to the
parties she claims were stalking her on my behalf. Why would we bother when she goes out
of her way to let us all know what she is doing?
And what did I say? Dawn contends that I allegedly wrote: "As for rumors, I
understand the Prom Queen was packing when she was here. Who is to say? Are you talking
Bozo? Didn't you used to party up on the hill with her and your supplier?"
Dawn claims that I am accusing her of trafficking in cocaine. Is she? I don't know?
Do you? One of our readers believed it might have been the Drug Task Force stalking her. I
can't say. I don't think I did, either. Does someone have a guilty conscience?
Of course why am I shocked at that? None other than Bob (Is Lovell on the level?) Lovell
has come out and seems bent on blaming the main cause for the 43% tax increase on me. I am
"the other commissioner" and "the third commissioner" that he is
referring to at the public meetings on this abomination.
Something is wrong here. As I recall, I took the heat for suggesting that
Stratton and Weaver were planning to raise taxes by as much as 50% after the election. I
was called a liar for saying that. I was accused of not wanting to feed the old people in
Sena Kean Manor and was appropriately voted out of office for it.
How is it that anyone, Lovell included, can attempt to pin this one on me? You tell
me. But when you read Jim Buck's account of what is happening, and if you are present at
the meetings, he sure wants me on the hot seat even though I vehemently oppose this folly.
Let's tell the truth here. Jim Weaver and Larry Stratton no more wrote this budget
than they wrote the prior four. Jim and Larry are no financial geniuses by any stretch of
the imagination and it is hard for me to imagine Weaver "toiling" over numbers.
Tom Ball wrote the budget and he is about as qualified to do that as Audrey Irons
is. Don't get me wrong. Both are good people. Audrey is a dedicated and loyal
person. She does not deserve to be labeled as the person who wrote this abomination. It
was Tom Ball and he put this in without regard to the damage that it will do personally
and economically to the people of this county. All he cared about in preparing this was
having enough money to keep things as they are in the Court House.
The tax increase was talked about and planned as early as last July. I would not be
a part of it. I told you about it in September. Still, no one has come forward and
apologized for calling me a liar. Oh well. It must be the winter Solstice.
Comments are welcome at rdhedbud@penn.com.
DECEMBER 20, 1999
Tom Clark is back (and we can't shut him up) !
A Tough Week On The Space Coast
It really wasn't that bad, at least for me. I quickly adjusted to the warm sunshine,
the gentle ocean breeze and the feeling of sand between my toes. And, as unbelievable as
this may sound, I actually relaxed for five straight days.
The only disappointment of my trip last week to Cocoa Beach was yet another delay of
the space shuttle launch, which I timed my vacation around so that could watch the 27th,
and, perhaps, final launch of the shuttle Discovery. I've seen the old bird launched three
other times, more than any other shuttle in the fleet.
I'm always surprised at the angry reaction of some of the tourists when there is a
delay and they have to leave before the new launch window. Hey folks, it's not like the
roller coaster at Disney World is shut down, the launches are not for your entertainment.
I usually try to make my first day in Cocoa Beach the day of the launch, allowing myself
for a week of delays, but the timing was off on this trip.
It was an interesting week to spend on the Space Coast with NASA's problems coming to
light, especially well documented in the local media there. Early in the week, the space
agency gave up hope of contacting the Mars Polar Lander, which was to land on the Red
Planet the previous Friday. No beep, no buzz, nothing. The damn thing is lost.
By admission of scientists ad technicians involved with the Mars project, too many
factors were taken for granted in both the Polar Lander and its sister ship, the Mars
Climate Orbiter, which was lost in September.
For example, NASA officials thought they understood planetary travel so well they
didn't equip the Polar Lander with a radio beacon that would send back status reports as
the craft descended. The Lander was to slow from 17,900 to 5 mph for touchdown and I have
a feeling that the craft slammed into the Martian landscape.
After two successful landings of Viking probes in 1976 on Mars, officials were
convinced that future missions would be uncomplicated. However, the Viking probes were the
last two successful landings for two decades, with the greatest loss coming in 1993 when
the $1 billion Mars Observer disappeared just days before it was to reach the planet,
prompting NASA to develop smaller probes.
"Smaller, better, faster, cheaper" became the agency's catch phrase for the
1990's and the approach proved effective. The Mars Pathfinder, which landed in July, 1997,
and the Mars Global Surveyor, which began orbit in September of the same year, made
missions to the Red Planet seem relatively easy for those not familiar with the past
failures of the U.S. and Soviet Mars programs.
Now, the back to back losses of Mars probes are graphic reminders of how tough those
missions can be. With another six Mars missions slated for launch between 2001 and 2005,
NASA needs to find some answers to the problems fairly quickly.
Meanwhile, Discovery sits on pad and awaits launch, as of this writing. If it did
lift off on Friday night, it will have been only the third shuttle launch this year. NASA
hasn't had such a slow year since shuttle flights resumed in September, 1988, more than 30
months after the Challenger accident.
Discovery's lift off is already two months late due to never ending wiring and fuel
line problems. Damaged wiring has been found in all four shuttles since the last launch in
July, with 57 flaws found in Discovery alone. The entire fleet, except the since repaired
Discovery, is officially grounded.
To be sure, NASA's problems are not simply resolved. A heavily reduced budget and work
force can be partly of blame, along with variables outside the agency's control. For
example, cash-strapped Russia has not completed a crucial part of the international space
station, thus putting further U.S. missions to the station on hold.
Critics from around the nation are raising Hell about the price tags put on the recent
NASA shortcomings. The most recent loss of the Mars Polar Lander cost us $135 million or,
roughly, 60 cents to every American. That is the cost of a can of Pepsi, or 40 cents less
than you would waste on a scratch-off lottery ticket. Although the mission was
unsuccessful, I would gladly chip in 60 cents for those boys to give it another try. I
would yank the can of Pepsi right out of a welfare kid's hand. The space program is doing
the world more good than he ever will.
Space exploration is vital and the recent setbacks should not deter us from pursuing
our goals. The time has come for NASA, Congress and the American public to re-evaluate our
nation's space priorities and proceed accordingly.
As a strong supporter of space exploration, I feel that we need to consider privatizing
NASA and opening up the space industry for commercial sponsorship. If an aerospace company
or two were to control all facets of the program, instead of our over-spending and
under-achieving federal government, the space program could live up to the "smaller,
better, faster, cheaper" slogan.
***I hope that each and every one of you have a safe and happy holiday season. Since my
next scheduled columns would be Christmas and New Years days, I thought that I'd give Bud
a break from his blue pencil duties and not submit columns.
Take care, everyone, and I'll see you on your monitors in the year 2000!
Then this came in this morning, too.
Subject: Re: Column
Shuttle lifts off in 2 hours and 40 minutes. I can still make it in
time. If it happens, I'll get the pilot to fly over Bradford and I'll moon everyone.
If I miss it, have a safe and happy holiday season and I'll make it a point to
climb the hill and say hey in the next few days...Tom
The question now exists, did he make it or not?
Comments are welcome at rdhedbud@penn.com.
DECEMBER 19, 1999
There is no new article
DECEMBER 18, 1999
Tom Clark stows away on Space Shuttle Discovery!
He must have because he is among the missing. But fear not. We have other budding
columnists who believe that they are as funny as Tom. You be the judge. This came via
e-mail yesterday following the accounts of Santa visiting the County Commissioners.
Bud Beck Bursts Buck's Bubble
at Commissioners Meeting!
Jim Buck, The Bradford Era's boy reporter, was
devastated Monday when he realized that Santa may not be "real".
and:
Beck Invents Miracle Hair Growth Stimulant by Jim Buck, Era Reporter
Harold Beck arrived at the courthouse on Thursday morning sporting an long,
flowing, snow-white beard. Using my well developed reporting skills, I have determined
that Beck is really a mad scientist who has been working around the clock to be the first
to invent a true hair growth stimulant. I'm pretty sure he didn't have that beard the last
time I saw him. I was going to ask Marty about it but she was busy. When asked about the
beard, Beck said, (and I quote, accurately, word-for-word like I always do because you're
not supposed to use those little quotation mark things unless it's really word-for-word),
"I have mixed up a bunch of secret stuff and it grows hair." At least that's
what I think he was going to say. And I think he probably used 2 million dollars of county
money in his lab which is located behind secret panels in his office. And that's why your
taxes are going up. So there!
and;
Subject: Jim Buck
Don't worry, Santa, I know you will leave all of them a lump of coal in their stockings!
That is, if there is any left in Pennsylvania. Does Mr. Grinch still reside at the
Error....ah, Era?
and;
Dear Harold,
I might make comments about Jim Buck and his reporting. I would have until I read what
that absurd woman, Dawn Clark is doing to you. So, after reading yesterday's paper this
AM, I don't want anyone suing me for maligning his skills as a reporter! Such as they are!
and;
Dawn Clark, isn't that Dawn Del Veccio? If it is, maybe it was the Drug Task Force
stalking her, not you. And besides, why would you bother stalking a dried up old bag like
her anyway? I give even you more credit than that Harold. Keep up the good work and keep
exposing them for what they really are. You were a real stitch as Santa. What's next,
Robin Hood?
and;
At last a politician who has a sense of humor. Santa Claus was hysterical. You are
hysterical. I loved it. Who is the stupid broad who is suing you? Isn't she the bird brain
who ran for mayor wearing her prom dress? Is that why you called her the Prom Queen? Keep
up the good work. I love you! (Just don't tell my husband. Okay?)
and:
I was at the commissioners' meeting and it appeared to me that Jim Buck had it in
for you, rather than the two bozos to your left. What gives? You are out of office and it
seemed you were in there still fighting for the average Joe even in your final days. Why
wouldn't Jim Buck respect you for that? Instead it seems to me that he wants to keep
grinding you down. But Bravo! You would have none of it. You, being the man that you are
stood up to him and as Santa put him back in the hole he came out of. I was proud to be
there and see you in action. Finally, I saw you personally, and I am sorry to admit that
had I seen you sooner you would have had my vote instead of the two I gave to Weaver and
Stratton. It was obvious to me that what you said about Mr. Buck distorting the news was
correct. It is a shame that too many people are finding this out too late. Thank you for
what you did for us and I am sorry about not believing in you.
Comments are welcome at rdhedbud@penn.com.
If you have a comment on this article please click here.
[ Top ] [ Home ]
[_private/toc_for_second_level_pages.html]
