God versus the environmentalist
God created heaven and the earth. Quickly He was
faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He
was granted a temporary permit for the project but was stymied with the cease and desist
order for the earthly part.
Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why He began His earthly project in the first
place. He replied that He just liked to be creative.
Then God said, "Let there be light," and immediately the officials demanded
to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal
pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. God was
granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the
ball of fire; that He would obtain a building permit; and to conserve energy, would turn
the light off half the time. God agreed and said He would call the light "Day"
and the darkness "Night." Officials replied that they were not interested in
semantics.
God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and bare much seed." The EPA
agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, "Let waters bring forth
creeping creatures begetting life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth."
Officials pointed out this would require approval from The Department of Game coordinated
with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything was OK until God said He wanted to complete the project in six days.
Officials said it would take at least 200 days to review the application and impact
statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be a 10-to-12
month approval period before...
At this point, God created Hell.
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