Good morning. It is 34.7 degrees at 8:25 A.M.
I know, big deal. Just the same, I'm back.
It is snowing, lightly, here. Today is the first day of bear
season. All the bear hunters have been in, yesterday we all watched and rooted
the Steelers on to victory. I'm a little hoarse today.
The news today is student results in the Port Allegany and Smethport
school districts were ranked below average, while student results in the Kane
Area School District were ranked average, according to the evaluations. That
comes on the heels of the fact that Bradford Area School District students
are ranked below average, way below average, too.
Beyond that, the column is late this morning because I was shooting
some deer. Five of them to be exact. Three doe and two bucks. One small one
and an eight point. If you are faint of heart, stop here.
Check out the pictures and read what Mary sent along today.
If this is too much reading for you, at least do yourself the
favor of reading the last definition:
DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel
guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on
your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people
you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives
it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and
provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one,
buy a bull, and build a herd of cows
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government
taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign
country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government
takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then
ours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease
it back toyourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce
the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin
an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing
expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because
you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so
they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the
top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You engineer them so
they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run
a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where
they are.>While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn
you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn
you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop
counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year
plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many
cows you really have.
POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly
maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes>for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown
one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote
for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch
of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
Here's the big buck. Check him out.
NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have
to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow
"Last week the Senate approved legislation to establish a Department
of Homeland Security and it will soon be signed into law by the president.
Buried in this massive bill, snuck into it in the dark of night by persons
unknown (actually, it's fair to say by Republican persons unknown), was a
provision that - incredibly - will protect Eli Lilly and a few other big pharmaceutical
outfits from lawsuits by parents who believe their children were harmed by
thimerosal. Now this has nothing to do with homeland security. Nothing. This
is not a provision that will in any way protect us from the ferocious evil
of Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda. So why is it there? Perhaps it has something
to do with the fact that the major drug companies have become a gigantic collective
cash machine for politicians, and that the vast majority of that cash goes
to Republicans. Or maybe it's related to the fact that Mitch Daniels, the
White House budget director, is a former Eli Lilly big shot. Or the very convenient
fact that just last June President Bush appointed Eli Lilly's chairman, president
and C.E.O., Sidney Taurel, to a coveted seat on the president's Homeland Security
Advisory Council." 11.25.02 www.bushwatch.com
First Terrorist Act
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